I took my brother`s life for granted?

it`s been 3yrs since my little brother ped away.i loved him so much but i never realised that i wasn`t a good sister till it was too late.he was 4 yrs youger than me,he ped away at the age of 12.in 2003 our parents both had to come here in the uk [i`m south african]so we were left with relatives.Most of them ddnt want us but since my mom was sending money they took us in instead.i shuld have looked after him bt i ddn`t and 2hrs b4 he died we argued,i wish we hadn`t.u kno i cant 4get how helplessly he lay on the road,culdn`t speak ,blood everywhere[we had a car accident,i survived,]he took his last breath when i put his hand down.i miss him so much.i just hop he 4gives me 4 not being a better sister and i hop he knows how much i love him.